POST WHORES UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sean @ NDF]

I had a parakeet that used to fly around the house and crash into these huge mirrors my mother put in. Ever heard of this interior design principle, that a mirror makes it seem like you have an entire other room? What kind of jerk walks up to a mirror and goes, "Hey look, there's a whole other room in there. There's a guy that looks just like me in there."
But the parakeet would fall for this. I'd let him out of his cage, he'd fly right into the mirror. And I'd always think, "Even if he thinks the mirror is another room, why doesn't he at least try to avoid hitting the other parakeet?"

[Sean @ NDF]

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

[Sean @ NDF]

The Chalk Outline guy's got a good job. Not too dangerous, the criminals are long gone. I guess these are people who wanted to be sketch artists but they couldn't draw very well. "Uh, listen, Jon, forget the sketches, do you think if we left the dead body right there on the sidewalk you could manage to trace around it?"
How does that help them solve the crime? They look at the thing on the ground, "Oh, his arm was like that when he hit the pavement... the killer must have been... Jim."

[Sean @ NDF]

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

[Sean @ NDF]

The suit is definitely the universal business outfit for men. There is nothing else men like to wear when doing business. I don't know why it projects this image of power. Why is it intimidating? "We'd better do what this guy says, his pants match his jacket."

[Sean @ NDF]

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. "Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the nail clippers right here."

[Sean @ NDF]

There is no such thing as "fun for the whole family."

[Sean @ NDF]

Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?

[Sean @ NDF]

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

[Sean @ NDF]

You can measure distance by time. "How far away is it?" "Oh about 20 minutes." But it doesn't work the other way. "When do you get off work?" "Around 3 miles."