jokes....

MARCASS · Post by **MARCASS** » August 10, 2003

Three girls are sitting on stools at a bar. The 3 of them are arguing on who is the slackest. The first one says: "My boyfriend can put his whole fist in my pussy!!!" The second one says: "Oh ya? Well my boyfriend can put his whole head in my pussy!" The two of them then look at the third one, waiting for her to reply. She then looks at them and says: "Oops! There goes the stool!!!"

MARCASS · Post by **MARCASS** » August 10, 2003

While I was "flying" down the road yesterday
(i.e., 10 mph over the limit), I passed over a
bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun
on the other side laying in wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car,
and with that classic patronizing smirk we all
know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop was stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger,
then I work my way up to two fingers, then three,
then four, then with my whole hand in I work side
to side until I can get both hands in, and then,
I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6
foot wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?",
asked the cop.

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar gun
and park him behind a bridge....."

Traffic Ticket: $95.00
Court Costs: $45.00
The Look on that Cop's Face: PRICELESS ! ! !

RapTor1 · Post by **RapTor1** » August 10, 2003

the first one is good

MARCASS · Post by **MARCASS** » August 10, 2003

After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

Cream'D Corn · Post by **Cream'D Corn** » August 10, 2003

civicex2g · Post by **civicex2g** » August 10, 2003

marcass.. i dont have a joke.. but ur avatar is driving me crazy.. those are some wonderful boobies

Cream'D Corn · Post by **Cream'D Corn** » August 10, 2003

civicex2g wrote:marcass.. i dont have a joke.. but ur avatar is driving me crazy.. those are some wonderful boobies

lol

:jerkit:

YouTube · Post by **.saint** » August 11, 2003

the last joke fucking rules

munsters gonna

to that 1

littledevil666 · Post by **littledevil666** » August 12, 2003

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had
covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past
five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in
four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents,
the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find that in 46 of the 50 states the last
words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were: "Oh, Shit!"
Only the states of South Carolina, West Virginia, Texas and
Arkansas were different, where over 89.3 percent of the final words were:
"Hold my beer and watch this!"