.... i hate them. I don't understand why this happens. Its rediculous sometimes. If i drink an equal amount of any other liquid, i poop normal. Yet, beer continues to change texture. And when the texture, rigidity, and overall structure of a turd is changed ... so is the state of being comfortable. There is no such thing as a 'clean getaway' with a beer shit. I mean sure .... sometimes when you do the double check on the clean getaway on a normal shit, you find that you simply missed the mark .... but i have yet to one whipe a beer shit. Sometime the aid of a damp TP wad or baby wipe is necessary to finish the job.
Now, if quickness and cleanliness were my only problems, i'd be fine and get over it.
But there is an evil companion that comes along with this .... it's simply called -
THE STINK
Honestly, nothing's worse than sitting down on the toilet after a hard night of drinking, taking a shit first thing in the morning and getting hit with this attack of the senses. I mean, my morning shits usually consists of elbows on my legs and head in my hands ... eyes closed ... still waking up. Just relaxing .... shitting..... But i guess this is just nature's wake up call, because once this stink hits ur nostrils, you sit straight up, open your eyes wide, and gasp for some virgin air.
Sure ... I figured that if beer is the cause for mockery of a morning ritual, then i'll just simply switch to liquor, right? Wrong.
While texture of the turd remains mostly the same, the stink is usually just as bad and its followed or preceded with a few dangerous, lingering farts.
quick story - one of the first strictly liquor nights occured in las vegas with a few friends of mine. When we woke up the next morning, i felt fine. Took a shit ... nothing - everything was great. I figured i got off scott free. Well, our floor being on the 10th floor or so, we had to take an elevator. We happened to be the first few people to get in there. So we stood, and stopped, and repositioned and stopped ... all the while more people entering. The elevator was as packed as i've ever seen. My friends and i were split .. one in each corner. I couldn't help it .... i had to fart. I tried to hold it for common courtesy, as you don't clambake an elevator, but i let it go. Hoping to God that the stench would be light, and not linger. I was wrong. I was the first to notice, of course. And immediately my eyes began to water. A smirk came across my face and i dropped by head in shame. Suddenly, I heard a few light coughs and people rustling around. I looked up to see the disgust on most everyones faces. Everyone was looking around. It was just like you would imagine a fart in the elevator ... it was priceless. All of a sudden, i made eye contact with Todd across the elevator ...... immediately he knew it was me who farted .... then our floor came and we left ... laughing at the poor victims trapped in that elevator.
General idea of post - beer shits suck ...
/discuss.
I'm excited to announce that thejdm is now updated to the latest phpbb 3.2 software. You may notice the site is now mobile friendly but with the upgrade comes some hiccups. theGarage, theGallery, theArcade are no longer supported. In due time the developers should be working to release the modifications to work on the new software. #LetsMakeForumsGreatAgain
beer shits = boooo
beer shits = boooo
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Brilliance! A mean beer shit to fear is that following a night of drinking Guinness...the Black Death is what I call it.
Even more gruesome is what happens if I get drunk after drinking liquor at any point of the night. I will wake up, and "find" a bathroom anywhere. Good stuff...
Even more gruesome is what happens if I get drunk after drinking liquor at any point of the night. I will wake up, and "find" a bathroom anywhere. Good stuff...
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ToByTuNeD wrote:Brilliance! A mean beer shit to fear is that following a night of drinking Guinness...the Black Death is what I call it.
Even more gruesome is what happens if I get drunk after drinking liquor at any point of the night. I will wake up, and "find" a bathroom anywhere. Good stuff...
nothing like a dark brownish black guinness shit.
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i think the worst shits i've had from beer would have to be budweiser, so much so that i won't drink it anymore lol
and i ate taco bell so much as a kid i love going there and eating, then watching my friends run to the bathroom as i just sit back and enjoy my fullness from the nacho's bell grande
and i ate taco bell so much as a kid i love going there and eating, then watching my friends run to the bathroom as i just sit back and enjoy my fullness from the nacho's bell grande
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LostSolVTEC wrote:i think the worst shits i've had from beer would have to be budweiser, so much so that i won't drink it anymore lol
and i ate taco bell so much as a kid i love going there and eating, then watching my friends run to the bathroom as i just sit back and enjoy my fullness from the nacho's bell grande
sick mother fucker you are
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